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Friend Zone.

I just can never seem to get it right.
How can she say that I am not her type?
After the constant phone calls and the facebook messages
And listening to you talk about all of your annoying relatives.
I thought that you and I could’ve been something.
I know now you think all guys are just after one thing.
Especially after the last guy and what he did to you
And I thought since I was the person you came running to.
That maybe, eventually there could be something between us
And you would believe me when I say I am not thinking of my penis.

When I say I long to hear your voice, even if it's only for a little while
And I love the way your delicate dimples develop whenever you smile.
I even love the way you chew your nails wildly whenever you’re nervous.
So when my suppressed feelings for you begin to pierce through the surface
And I confess all of the affection held captive in my chest.
You say that you love me but you can only see me as a best...

This where the memory begins to turn hazy
And where I wish the ground would cave in and take me.
Back to the start of this very scene,
The part where my feelings remained in my dreams.
Because maybe then you wouldn’t see me in a different light
And we would still be up on the phone to each other all night.
I would rather hold it all in and resist the urge to ever mention
My feelings for you, if it meant we could keep our connection.


Kela Lewis-Morin
Something I wrote tonight I had a thought and my mind just would not let it go lol So I tried my best to illustrate what I wanted to say. I tried to do something different with one and literally try and say what is in my head. To be honest I do not really like this piece but I thought I might as well put it up because otherwise it would just sit in my documents unread lol I guess because I have such little time to write now that when I do get some time I try and make the most of it. But the thing is you cannot force creativity and that is what I think I did with this piece lol never the less I hope you guys like it :)
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:iconnaktarra:
Naktarra Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2014   Writer

Hello! I'm Naktarra from :icongrammarnazicritiques: and I'm here to review your piece of literature “Friendzone.”


Initial Thoughts


When I first read this poem as a reader, I have to say that I was very impressed. It's easy to find on the internet quite a bit of slack on men and women when it comes to being put into the infamous 'friendzone.' While I can say that I can not vouch for the emotional trauma that is claimed with the zone, I can deduce with my wonderful detective skills that this poem has reached out to quite a few people who have had this experience.



Pros


Now it's to move onto the actual poem itself.


  • Very fluid movement in the poem

  • Controlled rhyme-scheme that you should be proud of. I love the use of almost rhyming words like “messages” and “relatives.”

  • Having a very strong emotion in the poem which really makes the reader feel sorry for your troubles. :)

  • Your stanzas are broken up into three sections. It gives the impression of having a story with a beginning, middle and end. I like this because it's giving the poem some sort of centre to it. It's not a free-verse which is flying all over the place.




Suggestions


In future poetry, the biggest suggestion I'm going to give you is not to pick such a common theme. There is nothing wrong with writing about the common poetry topics like fear, romance or love, but I'm suggesting this out of positivity. You're a good writer, I bet you could put this amount of emotion into some abstract and wonderful idea.


I have see from your other poetry that you have done this. With interesting topics like, “Hunting of the Job,” and “Happy New Year.”


With a poetic mind such as your own, I hope you find more time for writing creative pieces like this and more.


Happy writing,

Naktarra

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:iconlindartz:
LindArtz Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013
Wow. Powerful! So full of meaning - crazy - meaning...All that wanting for something, then pushing it away when it embraces you, such as the girl did here...
Beautifully written.

...I wish I could write like you. I've never said that to anyone before, all my loooong years on this earth! :thumbs::up:
Reply
:iconironbatmaiden91:
IronBatMaiden91 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013
Awwwww that's so sweet. I'm so sorry that happened. I'm sure you'll find someone that loves and appreciates you.
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:iconjosh-ryan:
JOSH-Ryan Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013
This is such a good poem, with real feeling to it. I know this story from both sides. In the end i think unrequited love is a myth, but it can feel real and that sucks.
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:icondizzybeyor:
dizzybeyor Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Great rhythm and it reads fluidly. I wish the lines-per-stanza were more uniform, it helps with the presentation aspect. I like your rhyme scheme too. ^_^ Nice job
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:iconlittlelinguist:
Littlelinguist Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Student Writer
Amazing it is! :)
Reply
:iconmarktshaw:
MarkTShaw Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is excellent man, a lot of truth hear. You have a great ear for rhythm, very clean
Reply
:iconsilvergabetha834:
silvergabetha834 Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013  Professional General Artist
OOoooo been there from the female side. That's rough. I don't know if this piece is related to something you've gone through or not, but either way you captured the emotion perfectly. Nice work.
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:iconcodaai:
Codaai Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013
I hate people who do that they make you feel like ur the only one and then when you tell them how the feel they run away
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:iconcoup-de-coeur:
coup-de-coeur Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
the friendzone is just a word invented so that y'all could feel entitled to a girl's affections.
just because you like her doesn't mean she has to like you.
her friendship is not some consolation prize.
Reply
:iconsmallangryrabbit:
smallangryrabbit Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013   General Artist
Agreed. Completely.
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:iconsouthernwriter2:
SouthernWriter2 Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Man, I know this all too well. Sorry dude
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:iconwavangel:
WavAngel Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013  Student General Artist
Common theme among men. Good poem.
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:iconcharlie0210:
Charlie0210 Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I really liked this piece
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:iconblondbeastboy:
BlondBeastBoy Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013
That reminded me of this: [link]
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:icon8manderz8:
8manderz8 Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Unrequited love is always tough, but value your friendship because certainly the other person does.
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:iconbroeckchen:
Broeckchen Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Did you ever consider that a friend can mean the world to someone? That most women consider their close friendships to be for eternity, while they know that romantic relationships can be fleeting?
Despite having been rejected often because I was rather seen as a friend than as a love interest, I've always disliked the whole basic idea of the "friendzone". It implies so much that being someone's friend is not good enough, that romantic relationships are somehow inferior to friendship. If you're someone's friend, you can grow so close to them. You spend time together, you talk to each other, you share experiences and in many cases you can even be as close as hugging or snuggling.

What else could you possibly want from a person you love?

I've resolved this for myself by cherishing the friendships of people I can't be with romantically, and by strifing to feel the same - deep, loving friendship. All I ask from them is to still treat me as a friend, and then I ask from myself to become one - a friend, content with how I'll stay by the side of these people I like so much even after their xth significant other has left them, and the person they insist on nights out with towards the s.o. that stays. I don't need to be called anyones girlfriend to be close to them and share a meaningful relationship with them. And I certainly don't need to torture myself with the delusion that I'd be not good enough for them or that I somehow missed a big opportunity/lost something precious simply because I'm not what they're looking for in a romantic partner. Because that is not true.
Our friendship is precious.

You even mention this connection yourself. What if you told her that you're okay with it, that you don't need anything else but just want to be close to her? And that you can and will grow your feelings into those of a deep friendship soon enough if she gives you the chance?
I'd fight for that connection. For that friendship. It was right to tell her how you feel, but why would you give up on something so precious to you when it's probably exactly what she wants, too?
After all, she valued you as her friend. She might only have been insecure because she was afraid to hurt you.
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:iconpoeknowsprose:
poeknowsprose Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013
I thought this was a really good piece. I think it was really honest, and explained well how you feel. And don't be too discouraged about being called just a friend. She may come around. Some girls are just scared. The guy I'm I'd told I just wanted to be friends, but after some persistence I gave him a chance and now we've been together almost two years, so it can happen. Anyway, I digress. I really liked your piece, and I hope everything works out for the best.
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:iconjinsei-ki:
Jinsei-Ki Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Student
listen man, just because a girl's nice to you doesn't mean that she has to date you. she doesn't have an obligation to love you because you love her
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:iconnikkixkaila:
NikkiXKaila Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you.
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:iconreizyouup:
ReizYouUp Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2013
Well, I really like this piece. Sorry if you really are stuck in the friend zone, and remember what I said: A lot of artists don't like their own work even if its like the greatest thing ever!
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:iconphantasm1:
Phantasm1 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh its always awkward when one friend develops a crush on the other from both sides :(
Reply
:iconjtcheney:
jtcheney Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I took a lot from this poem. I know that road well.
Oh, and good job finding a way to rhyme penis!
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