Deviation Actions
Literature Text
I just can never seem to get it right.
How can she say that I am not her type?
After the constant phone calls and the facebook messages
And listening to you talk about all of your annoying relatives.
I thought that you and I could’ve been something.
I know now you think all guys are just after one thing.
Especially after the last guy and what he did to you
And I thought since I was the person you came running to.
That maybe, eventually there could be something between us
And you would believe me when I say I am not thinking of my penis.
When I say I long to hear your voice, even if it's only for a little while
And I love the way your delicate dimples develop whenever you smile.
I even love the way you chew your nails wildly whenever you’re nervous.
So when my suppressed feelings for you begin to pierce through the surface
And I confess all of the affection held captive in my chest.
You say that you love me but you can only see me as a best...
This where the memory begins to turn hazy
And where I wish the ground would cave in and take me.
Back to the start of this very scene,
The part where my feelings remained in my dreams.
Because maybe then you wouldn’t see me in a different light
And we would still be up on the phone to each other all night.
I would rather hold it all in and resist the urge to ever mention
My feelings for you, if it meant we could keep our connection.
Kela Lewis-Morin
Lie to Me
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I Was In A Bad Place
Hello! I'm Naktarra from and I'm here to review your piece of literature “Friendzone.”
Initial Thoughts
When I first read this poem as a reader, I have to say that I was very impressed. It's easy to find on the internet quite a bit of slack on men and women when it comes to being put into the infamous 'friendzone.' While I can say that I can not vouch for the emotional trauma that is claimed with the zone, I can deduce with my wonderful detective skills that this poem has reached out to quite a few people who have had this experience.
Pros
Now it's to move onto the actual poem itself.
Very fluid movement in the poem
Controlled rhyme-scheme that you should be proud of. I love the use of almost rhyming words like “messages” and “relatives.”
Having a very strong emotion in the poem which really makes the reader feel sorry for your troubles.
Your stanzas are broken up into three sections. It gives the impression of having a story with a beginning, middle and end. I like this because it's giving the poem some sort of centre to it. It's not a free-verse which is flying all over the place.
Suggestions
In future poetry, the biggest suggestion I'm going to give you is not to pick such a common theme. There is nothing wrong with writing about the common poetry topics like fear, romance or love, but I'm suggesting this out of positivity. You're a good writer, I bet you could put this amount of emotion into some abstract and wonderful idea.
I have see from your other poetry that you have done this. With interesting topics like, “Hunting of the Job,” and “Happy New Year.”
With a poetic mind such as your own, I hope you find more time for writing creative pieces like this and more.
Happy writing,
Naktarra