I don't want to be this way.
But I can't help but feel this way.
No matter what you do
Or what comforting words you say.
My over active mind will not allow me to believe it.
My weary blood shot eyes will not allow me to see it.
Even though my attentive heart is able to receive it.
My thoughts and my imagination will corrupt and deceive it.
And that's why no matter how much I love you.
For some reason I will always feel cheated.
So please don't blame yourself because you have done more than enough.
You have proven yourself and have provided me with so much love.
There are only so many false accusations you can take.
There are only so many false promises I can make.
There are only so many times I can make that same mistake.
Until I foolishly recognize what is actually at stake.
How long will you have to accommodate my insecurities?
How long will it take for me to completely trust you?
Until you begin questioning my emotional maturity.
There are only so many times I can say "I am sorry but I do love you".
Before the excuses cease to be effective.
Before I realize that it is me who must change my perspective.
Before you realize that you don't have to be subjected
To my distrustful, doubtful and disbelieving conditions.
And that you can find someone else who will love you, trust you and listen.
Then another compatible suitor will be in my position.
It would be my fault because I created my own competition.
I would have to live my life knowing that there is something missing.
The truth is I don't think I could go on living.