Something I wrote today I had it stored in my blackberry I just didnt know how to finish it. The key factor to this piece is simplicity and rhythm. I hope it works and I hope it is not to cliche because that is what I am desperately trying to avoid.
Advice > Peace comes from within do not seek it without>>. Realize that , OK?A Dark Side of the Force can fuel you , can grant you all your wishes if you are strong and patient.....Trust in the power of the Dark Side of the Force.....[link]
Well done. This poem, is good. The word "purpose" gains significant credence in each an every stanza. For that I'll give you credit for making a poem that is both clear and concise, while not mincing words at all.
The best part of this poem was the last two couplets.
What would advice be? If there was no one there to give it.
What would life be? If there was no one there to live it.
To be quite honest with you, this comes out flattering... Whether that was your intention to the reader, or whether it had another purpose to fulfill, either way, this is a good way to end a poem like this.
I wouldn't give it marks for originality because Sir Arthur Canon Doyle also wrote on a similar theme... there were a lot of authors who wrote on such themes in such a manner. So instead, I'll give this a high score because of the impact and vision. They served a purpose which was fulfilled because of the reasons stated in these couplets.
Simple, clean, straight forward, elegant. I really haven't got much more to say beyond that for this section.
Originality and Technique: 5/5
I have you five stars here because I like the style, and the two categories are going hand in hand in the poem.
The writing itself was phenomenal. However, this poem didnt make me feel anything, I like to feel some sort of sense or emotion when I read poetry, this didn't deliver as much as I was hoping it would.
Overall however, and great poem. Just need to work a bit more on appealing to emotion
Prettyflour here from with the critique you requested.
I think you hit the nail on the head with your comments. Simplicity and rhythm are definitely the strong points in this poem. You maintain a good flow through out and the meter works just fine. Normally, I'm not a fan of this much repetition but in your poem it totally works.
The beauty of this is how simple it is and yet... the questions you pose can't be answered simply- they are hard questions, poignant questions and the fact that you've managed to put them all out there in a uncomplicated way was really nice. It gives this entire poem a stronger meaning- which I LOVE.
Normally, when I critique, I try to give both positive feedback and constructive criticism but... I honestly don't have any constructive criticism to give. I think this is perfect the way it is.
I hope this is helpful. Thank you and have a great day!
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