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Purpose.

What would a story be?
If there was no one there to read it.

What would dreams be?
If there was no one there to conceive it.

What would a picture be?
If there was no one there to see it.

What would a secret be?
If there was no one there to keep it.

What would love be?
If there was no one there to feel it.

What would a song be?
If there was no one there to sing it.

What would the truth be?
If there was no one there to admit it.

What would advice be?
If there was no one there to give it.

What would life be?
If there was no one there to live it.


Kela Lewis-Morin
Something I wrote today I had it stored in my blackberry I just didnt know how to finish it. The key factor to this piece is simplicity and rhythm. I hope it works and I hope it is not to cliche because that is what I am desperately trying to avoid. :)
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:iconrezhamarq:
rezhamarq Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i love it!
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:iconazzurknightheretic:
AzzurKnightHeretic Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013
Advice > Peace comes from within do not seek it without>>. Realize that , OK?A Dark Side of the Force can fuel you , can grant you all your wishes if you are strong and patient.....Trust in the power of the Dark Side of the Force.....[link]
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:iconme2smart4u:
Me2Smart4U Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013  Student Digital Artist
this poem is strong and very powerful
I deeply feel the true emotions expressed...
the title truly fits this very well written piece
I enjoyed the creative flow of words and ideas painted
AWESOME Job :clap:
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I am here on behalf of #PoeticalCondition to provide my critique.

Well done. This poem, is good. The word "purpose" gains significant credence in each an every stanza. For that I'll give you credit for making a poem that is both clear and concise, while not mincing words at all.

The best part of this poem was the last two couplets.

What would advice be?
If there was no one there to give it.

What would life be?
If there was no one there to live it.


To be quite honest with you, this comes out flattering... Whether that was your intention to the reader, or whether it had another purpose to fulfill, either way, this is a good way to end a poem like this.

I wouldn't give it marks for originality because Sir Arthur Canon Doyle also wrote on a similar theme... there were a lot of authors who wrote on such themes in such a manner. So instead, I'll give this a high score because of the impact and vision. They served a purpose which was fulfilled because of the reasons stated in these couplets.

All by all, not bad. Keep at it :)
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:iconthelunardragon:
TheLunarDragon Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This Critique is on behalf of :iconpoeticalcondition:

Vision: 5/5

Simple, clean, straight forward, elegant. I really haven't got much more to say beyond that for this section.

Originality and Technique: 5/5

I have you five stars here because I like the style, and the two categories are going hand in hand in the poem.

Impact: 3/5

The writing itself was phenomenal. However, this poem didnt make me feel anything, I like to feel some sort of sense or emotion when I read poetry, this didn't deliver as much as I was hoping it would.

Overall however, and great poem. Just need to work a bit more on appealing to emotion
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:iconprettyflour:
prettyflour Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey there!

Prettyflour here from :iconpoeticalcondition: with the critique you requested.

I think you hit the nail on the head with your comments. Simplicity and rhythm are definitely the strong points in this poem. You maintain a good flow through out and the meter works just fine. Normally, I'm not a fan of this much repetition but in your poem it totally works.

The beauty of this is how simple it is and yet... the questions you pose can't be answered simply- they are hard questions, poignant questions and the fact that you've managed to put them all out there in a uncomplicated way was really nice. It gives this entire poem a stronger meaning- which I LOVE.

Normally, when I critique, I try to give both positive feedback and constructive criticism but... I honestly don't have any constructive criticism to give. I think this is perfect the way it is.

I hope this is helpful. Thank you and have a great day!
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:iconnykiilynn:
NykiiLynn Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i really really really like this one :P im actually jealous that i didnt come up with thiss first.
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:icon8thful:
8thful Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013   Writer
Simple and effective, I liked.
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:iconshinitora12:
Shinitora12 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
If a tree falls in the forest...
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:iconlunausa:
Lunausa Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
amazing and simple, but i noticed that they are all 'no one' yet there is one 'none' is that intentional??
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:iconzurthuryx:
Zurthuryx Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I like the use of questions in the poem. They get you to think as you're reading it. Also, the poem seems simple at first but there's more depth when you think about it. Way to go.
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:iconm-g-studio:
M-G-Studio Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Beautiful words
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:iconstoryweaver29:
StoryWeaver29 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
I love it!
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I really like this
Reply
:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012
I like it. Its simple and holds a good message
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:iconnoxnyx:
NoxNyx Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This was wonderful! Did you know today, December 30, is the 5th day of Kwanzaa which is called Nia, which means Purpose? :3
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:iconstarhavenstudios:
starhavenstudios Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
First of all, I love the use of rhythm in your poem and each of these thoughts flow smoothly.

However, I must agree with ~IchiHitsuFangirl when I say fix your sentence structure (see below comment). I also must add that the poem seems unfinished. Since the last line seems to be like all the others (except the first line), it just feels like it should end in a unique way, sort of like how you started your poem with the word, "Purpose". You can end it like how you started. It sort of like a train. It starts out slow and picks up a pace and then it slows down to a stop. But that's just my opinions.

Overall, it's a nice poem. I hope you continue to do more.
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:iconichihitsufangirl:
IchiHitsuFangirl Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hello! I'm writing this critique on behalf of #PoeticalCondition

I will start with the grammar first so I can get out of the way before I start singing your praises. Perhaps it would be better to keep every stanza(are they even that?) as a continual thought instead of having the break. so it would be:
What would a story be
If there was no one there to read it?
. The question mark caused a pause that jolted me. I think that doing this will help the flow of the poem.

In my opinion, the idea is simple but very effective. It's short and sweet and it made me stop and think about it for a second. Full marks for impact! Beautifully written.

Thank you for submitting!
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:iconeverlasting90:
Everlasting90 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Purpose, a simple word and also the root of many things. This poem is so true and amazing!
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:iconevelyntaliette:
EvelynTaliette Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Student Writer
Lovely! A simple little poem, reinforced once you recognize the title and you recognize the feeling of purpose- a secret without any to keep it.
Nice job!
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:iconkgustafso:
Kgustafso Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is so heart-felt. I love it! Keep up the great writing friend:)
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:iconamber-icefire:
Amber-Icefire Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this poem! It be made of awesomesauce. :w00t:
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:iconphantasm1:
Phantasm1 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Trying to avoid cliches that way leads madness =p. More seriously its a good simple rhyme.
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