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:iconkelalewis-morin: More from KelaLewis-Morin


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June 29, 2012
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Reality Verses The Dream.


Above the confines of the earths atmosphere.

I am embraced by the luminous clouds.

With the stars in reaching distance.

Surrounded by the acoustics of the sea.

Accompanied by the alluring scents of nature.

Observing the planets that stand like monuments.


This is the place where my body wants to be.

These are the sights my eyes want to see.

This is place where my mind can be free.

This is the only place where I can truly be me.


Now back to reality.

And the self perpetuating insanity.

Constricted by the codes of a conscripted morality.

Living in a world that is drenched in disparity.

How will I ever be able to see any sort of clarity.


Below the discoloured  and tarnished ceiling.

I am held captive by my dishevelled duvet.

With only material possessions at my grasp.

Surrounded by a hybrid of silence and vulgarity.

Accompanied by the foul scents of  decay and pollution.

Observing a society that stand and act like naïve slaves.


This is the place where I currently reside.

With nothing but my words and faltering pride.

A place where no one focuses on the beauty inside.

A militarised zone of which there is no where to hide.


Kela lewis-morin
I was watching an episode Angel random I know but it got me thinking about my ultimate utopia and the life I'm living right now. I thought I'd try and express this through well my work lol hope you like it :) and I hope it works let me know what you think guys :)
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:icontazunee:
Tazunee Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:clap:
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:iconwishingunderthatstar:
I do feel that some of the rhymes in the third stanza feel a little forced. However, I am slightly biased as I think the these word endings (-ed, -ily etc) are an easy way out.

My favourite line would be:
"Surrounded by a hybrid of silence and vulgarity."

You might want to be careful with your poems. I've noticed that you have a tendency to be rather wordy and that loses the effect that you're trying to create. Shorter lines that have meaning has a lot more impact than, say, a whole stanza that's full of long words. I'm not good at explaining this but what I'm trying to say is that sometimes, you need to call a spade a spade.
Hoped this helped.
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:iconevelyntaliette:
EvelynTaliette Oct 14, 2012  Student Writer
Hmm, beautiful poem though I do have some suggestions.
If you were to try to communicate both across more smoothly, you could incorporate a different type of format for either. Dream can flow smoothly, gently moving from line to line, while Insanity can be made of broken sentences and capitalized words to influence the reader's tone.
"Below the discoloured and tarnished ceiling,
I am held captive by my
dishevelled duvet
With only material possessions at my grasp
Surrounded by a hybrid of
silence and vulgarity Accompanied by the
foul scents of decay and pollution of a society that acts like na´ve slaves."
So basically, just play around with your format! Poetry doesn't need to be full sentences
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:iconriarri:
Riarri Jul 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is absolutely amazing. I know many people who would rather live in their dreams, and, when faced with reality, are disappointed. You captured this concept perfectly, and I love the expression in this piece.
Reply
:iconjacob-c-wolf:
Jacob-C-Wolf Jul 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful work you have here. It is both true and really good to read. I love the rhyme scheme and the structure of the work. I enjoy writings about dreams and reality. The world of dreams is an expansive one of many different makings.


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:iconlustfullyyoursxx:
LustfullyYoursxX Jul 9, 2012  Student Writer
Amen, man. Love the whole tone of it, the blatant manner in which it points out the truth of the world we've created...
Reply
:iconmystichorns:
MysticHorns Jul 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Live like if you were inside a dream and let the universe make his part.
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:iconxxstarfallxx:
xxstarfallxx Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"Before the reality comes the dream." that's actually my favorite quote that someone told me a while ago.
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:iconkelalewis-morin:
KelaLewis-Morin Jul 6, 2012  Student Writer
ahh really i'm glad I could remind you of this quote :) please feel free to check some of my other works anytime if you like :)
Reply
:iconh-a-cooke:
H-A-Cooke Jul 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The poem is very insightful and certainly gets the reader thinking about how she/her lives life.

I have one suggestion. The transition between the first stanza and second would be smoother if you combined lines 7 and 8 from:

"Now back to reality.

And the self perpetuating insanity."

to

Now back to self-perpetuating insanity.
Reply
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