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Submitted on
September 6, 2012
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Self-Inflicted



I just hate myself.
  I hate the life that I lead.
    I hate the things that I've done.
      I keep trying to figure out.

       Where it is exactly that I went wrong.
    No matter how hard I try to evade
  And blame others for my actions.
At some point I am forced to accept.

  That the problem resides within me
    And the answer remains absent.
      I am the common dominator.
        I am the back stabbing selfish traitor.

      It's nothing to do with how I was raised
    Or the credentials and intentions of my creators.
  We choose our own paths.
We make our own decisions.

  It is only us that determine what kind of life we lead.
    There may be external influences
      But they only offer an easily accessible route.
         That at the time seems undeniably desirable.

       However deep down we know
     It will never work out.
   It's an obstacle we deliberately collide into.
We allow ourselves to be seduced.

   We willingly submit to the negativity
     That motionlessly builds momentum.
        Resulting in us pushing everyone away.
          Refusing any sort of assistance.
    
       Wallowing purposely in a void of self-pity.
   Stewing in the snare of silence.
Detached from any form of attachment.

And even though they might not say it
    They might not even be necessarily thinking it
        In my mind all I would envision them whispering is…

Look at you feeling sorry for yourself.

Look at you candidly deteriorating your own health.

Look at you constantly complaining about your lack of wealth.

Look at you wishing you were someone else.

Look at you being selfish and resisting any form of help.

Look at you hating yourself.


Kela lewis-morin
This piece was inspired by the many low points in my life. And although on the grander schemes of things our problems seem miniscule and obselete. It is all we know and all we will ever experience. I think well I hope that you guys out there can relate to how I feel because I beleive everyone has those dark moments in your life. Where you feel that there is no way out and finally realising that it all comes downs to you. I hope it works and I hope you guys like it and no I am not always this depressing sometimes I just can't help it lol
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:iconthatsbrutal6:
thatsbrutal6 Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well written my friend...and omg can I relate to every word of it... kudos
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:iconcskadoz:
cskadoz Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012   General Artist
like the 'saw teeth' -- way cool voice tone vision composition form & flow!
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:iconsylvansmith:
SylvanSmith Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Very well written. Sometimes worrying about ourselves is just as self absorbed as narcissism- it is the other side of the same ego coin. Buddhists might say that the idea is to try to eliminate the ego, or its dependency on the disdain or approval of society and people.
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:iconmabogunje:
Mabogunje Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I can definitely relate.
But I don't get the indentation thing.
What's that supposed to signify?
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:iconarcoiris-gato:
ArcoIris-Gato Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I can definetly relate to this.
I'm in a downer period at the moment, but it's not all bad, it's just hard to keep my head up, and keep on walking..
But hopefully it'll all be over soon~
Reply
:iconisasongs:
isasongs Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is amazing. I know how you feel and everything in this poem is true. It's what everybody thinks I guess.
Very well written!
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:iconevelyntaliette:
EvelynTaliette Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Student Writer
We make ourselves, this much is true. Sometimes we feel bad for ourselves even though we know we can fix it and all of it is our own fault. Lovely poem, you certainly have a gift for writing.
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:iconjtcheney:
jtcheney Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I've never found a piece that so adequately reflected exactly how I feel about my own life. This piece reached inside me, and affected me in a way I didn't expect it too. Thank you for sharing. I only can wish you well in all your endeavors, kindred spirit.
Reply
:iconcapnkelkel:
CapnKelKel Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That's amazing. I love it.
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:iconawayfromtrouble:
Awayfromtrouble Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well
That'S something to hurt others when we are aware of
But to change is even harder
I know a bit about it
Maybe you had to change a lot in your life
But you are right people sometimes expect more about others than they do about themselves
Reply
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